Deliberate Insanity

Guiding Scripture:

Revelation 12:11 _ "And they overcame him by the blood of of the lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to death"

James 5:16 _ " Confess your faults to one another, and pray for another, that ye may be healed"

Part 1


This post i called deliberate insanity because i am going to air my insecurities and flaws during my in pursuit of a testimony series. The above scriptures are why i feel it is necessary to do so. Because my pursuit of a testimony is not just me desiring to self-actualize or to have an epic story to tell at the round table. It is bigger than me. It is seeking favor in the eyes of God. It is living a God approved life. It is letting God's will come first in spite of myself. It is completely yielding myself to Him so that His glory may shine through me. It is becoming the mirror image of God so others can see Him through me. So every post i will make a confession, give a possible/biblical reason of why that may be between me and my testimony and then give a biblical revelation of what i should do about it. This is a Julie & Julia type challenge except it probably has no set duration

Confession: I'm ashamed of my life.

I wont say why yet but i have come to realise that this shame is how i can not change. Its a revolving door that has me stuck in groundhog day.
Proverbs 11:2 says When pride cometh then come shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.
The truth is i am too proud to admit that my life is far from what it should be but to allow change would be to reveal just how incomplete it is, so i don't allow it. To be honest though the worst thing is not that i live a life that i don't really want, its the shame that comes from people's perception of the state its in. And i want to be a beacon of light for God not a cautionary tale. And the fruits of the spirit are joy, peace and right thinking. Notice shame is not one of them.
The way i have been dealing with this so far is by apathy. I'm sure there are some people out there that know when i say i don't care i really don't. But that's not walking in Corinthians 13 love. So lets go to the first step of the pursuit...

Step 1:

Love - For perfect love drives out fear. There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. Punishment has to do with rebuke, embarrassment, rejection, failing. Punishment in the form of shame. If you try to avoid fear it mutates into other forms and just when you think you are winning its eating away another part of you. So instead of waiting to get love in order to give it back, instead of withholding love for fear it might be abused, instead of associating love with pain...

It is my decision today to deal in love. To give love without reason. To walk, talk and live love.

Affirmation: I am love

...So help me God...